Side A : Chris’ Picks
Side B : Todd’s‘ Picks
Ahh…the movie montage. It’s the perfect way to show a lot of action in a short period of time. This was a very popular movie making technique in the 80’s.
There were many different versions, but this time around I’m going to focus on “The Get Your Learn On” Montage.
There are 4 basic parts:
1. The kick ass 80’s song.
2. Let’s get serious now, we’re really dumb.
3. Sexual tension helps the learning process.
4. After a tough 2-3 minutes we got smarts real good!
Reason for studying – Super smart wiz-kids need to get a top secret laser operational.
1. Kick ass ’80s song- Comsat Angels, “Falling.”
2. Distractions from creepy closet guy, Lazlo, and brace face jerk-off, Kent, won’t stop newbie wiz-kid Mitch from reaching his goals.
3. Mitch’s nerdy hyper-active hottie neighbor comes over with her newest invention, an automatic page turner! Very handy tool for a stressed out dork in study mode. Unfortunately for Mitch, she doesn’t offer him any form of physical release.
4. After hours of studying and frequent failures, we finally have a breakthrough. The laser burns a hole in his block of wood! I’m guessing that in celebration, Mitch will run to his neighbor girl’s room and try to put his burning wood in her hole. (Wow! That’s pretty graphic. Sorry guys.)
Back to School
Reason for studying – Rodney Dangerfield partied too much and now needs to learn a semesters worth of material or he will flunk out of college.
1. Kick ass ’80s song- Danny Elfman, the aptly titled, “Study Montage.”
2. Rodney hasn’t read a book in 40 years so he gets right to work. He’s at the library before the librarian and stays past closing time to read by the light of his zippo. He even multitasks with the help of his personality-less son and goofy roommate Robert Downey Jr.
3. This type of dedication leads to massive sleep deprivation. With his future at the school in doubt, they try some books on tape so Rodney can sleep and learn. His (probably used to be super hot) Poetry teacher even implements a new sexy subliminal learning technique, whispering poetry into his ear while he rests his head on her formerly delightful bosom. Let’s just hope that he can control any subliminally hidden lustful urges during his exam.
4. A beaten Rodney shows up for his exam. With all that studying he manages to pass his classes with all D’s and one A. I’m sure you can guess which teacher gave him the A. I guess they don’t have any rules against fraternization at that school. Well done Rodney!
Reason for studying – Loser kids have to pass summer school or risk flunking out and getting their favorite teacher fired.
1. Scholarly classical non-’80s song – “Study Buddy Serenade in D Major.”
2. The band of summer school idiots finally decides to stop screwing around and convince their teacher to come back for one more shot at academic mediocrity. They study at totally distraction free places like at work, the park and the beach. Hey, they’re in summer school for a reason.
3. One of the kids has a brief “Hot for Teacher” moment with a young and attractive-ish Kirstie Alley. (Her sex symbol status is always up for debate in my book. I was never attracted to her even when she was young and supposedly hot. Like Top Gun leading lady Kelly McGillis, maybe Kirstie was just hot for the ‘80s.)
4. After days of pseudo-studying, the gang takes their tests. Of course, most don’t actually pass but teachers and parents are wowed by their marked improvement. The kids get to stay in school and their teacher keeps his job! I guess when you set the bar extremely low, anything resembling effort will be rewarded. Yeah school!
Check out some previous ’80s montage exploration:
The “We Can Fix It Up” Montage