The shortest month of the year is often one of the quietest in terms of musical awesomeness. There’s usually little love for the ear canals within two weeks on either side of Valentine’s Day.

2012, though…I don’t know if it’s the Mayans’ prognostication or just some happy accidents, but music blew up in February.

Van Halen returns with Diamond Dave. This is how things should be. (Not that the album is anything to write home about, but DLR belongs in Van Halen.)

Burial puts out a half-hour EP of beats that retain classic Burial traits AND manage to sound as fresh as ever.

Frankie Rose (seen at right in that sexy shot) puts out Interstellar, an album that would have dominated its release date if not for…

SLEIGH BELLS! REIGN OF TERROR! THE ALBUM CONTAINING “COMEBACK KID” AND “BORN TO LOSE” AND “CRUSH” AND “DEMONS” AND “D.O.A.” AND EVERY OTHER INCREDIBLE TUNE WITHIN THIS COLLECTION OF DOMINANCE (except “Road to Hell,” which is the closest thing to a clunker they’ve ever made).

Sleigh Bells also hit SNL on Feb. 18 and, most importantly to yours truly, announced on Feb. 28 that they’ll play a show in Iowa City this spring. #FUCKYEAH

The Sleigh Bells/Iowa City news hit the same day School of Seven Bells completed its trifecta of incredible albums by releasing Ghostory, while Memoryhouse put out a full-length album just two days before a scheduled show at The Mill (a.k.a. a night out for the Music or Space Shuttle? lads).

If this month is indeed a 10 (or, in Spinal Tap terms, 11), how do previous Februarys stack up in terms of music?

Naturally, I’ve made a chart.

How did this line take its shape? The primary data is listed below.

1982

• Ozzy Osbourne is arrested after urinating on The Alamo, in San Antonio, Texas

1983

• “Menudomania” comes to New York as 3,500 screaming girls crowd Kennedy Airport to catch a glimpse of Puerto Rican boy band Menudo, who are playing six sold-out shows at the Felt Forum
• Michael Jackson’s Thriller album hits #1 on the US charts, the first of 37 (non-consecutive) weeks it would spend there on its way to becoming the greatest-selling album of all time
• Sonic Youth releases Confusion Is Sex; U2 wages War (but Styx did release Kilroy Was Here and Kenny G deployed G Force)

1984

• Elton John marries studio engineer Renate Blauel (lulz)
• Recovering from the scalp burns sustained a month earlier, Michael Jackson wins eight Grammy Awards out of twelve nominations, breaking the record for the most Grammys won in a single year
• The Smiths release The Smiths; I receive my first cassette (the Footloose soundtrack) for winning the St. Pat’s Grade School spelling bee

1985

• Well, we got the following albums: The Smiths, Meat Is Murder; Tears for Fears, Songs from the Big Chair; Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston (I just poured some out)

1986

• Absolutely nothing of worth happened, although March 1986 saw Master of Puppets, Black Celebration, 5150, Please, and the single “Live to Tell”

1987

• The first five Beatles albums are released on CD
• Again, no good new albums, although March shone once more with The Joshua Tree, Among the Living, and Sign o’ the Times

1988

• Jacko buys Neverland
• Leonard Cohen releases I’m Your Man

1989

• Um…well…David Coverdale weds Tawny Kitaen

1990

• Billy Idol badly hurt in motorcycle accident, sees role in The Doors minimized
• Shake Your Money Maker (sweet); Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em (ayyyiiiii)

1991

• James Brown released from jail after high-speed, two-state car chase
• Dinosaur Jr. releases Green Mind

1992

• Vince Neil becomes a race car driver
• Kurt Cobain marries what’sherface
• Tori Amos releases Little Earthquakes; Pantera unleashes Vulgar Display of Power; “Bohemian Rhapsody” gets new life via Wayne’s World soundtrack

1993

• Oprah interviews Jacko, we learn about his whitening disorder
• 2Pac dares white people to buy his second album (Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z.)
• Radiohead puts out the album they’d probably rather forget
• 311 releases Music
• Duran Duran comes back with the VH1 crowd via “The Wedding Album”
• Joey Lawrence puts out an album (whoa!)

1994

• Shannon Hoon gets thrown out of the American Music Awards
• Green Day drops Dookie; Pavement puts out Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain

1995

• Tommy Lee marries Pamela Anderson
• Jewel launches her pre-poetry career by releasing an album

1996 (possibly the most eclectic data in this collection)

• Former Milli Vanilli band member Rob Pilatus is hospitalized when a man hits him over the head with a baseball bat in Hollywood, while Pilatus is attempting to steal the man’s car
• Take That split up!
• Prince marries Mayte Garcia
• Snoop beats a murder rap
• 2Pac’s All Eyez On Me receives a middling review from some nerd in the Iowa State Daily

1997

• Phish Food is born; Jacko’s first son is born;  the Spice Girls’ chart-topping career is born
• Blur releases the album with the “Whoo-hoo!” song
• Anal Cunt releases I Like It When You Die (sounds charming)

1998

• Elton John knighted
• Neutral Milk Hotel puts out that seriously overrated In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (it’s good, but c’mon…)

1999

• Gov. Jesse Ventura declares “Rolling Stones Day” in Minnesota
• Eminem drops Slim Shady LP; Roots go with Things Fall Apart

2000

• Santana wins 8 Grammys
• The Cure releases their last good album to date (Bloodflowers)
• Smashing Pumpkins release that MACHINA piece of crap

2001

• Manic Street Preachers play Cuba
• Jack Johnson releases Brushfire Fairytales
• Los Embarasados allegedly release Tem Graca por Nome on Feb. 30 (according to Wikipedia)

2002

• U2 performs at the Super Bowl
• Britney Spears puts out the Crossroads soundtrack; Norah Jones releases the inexplicably popular Come Away with Me

2003

• Lana Clarkson found dead at Phil Spector’s pad; he’s eventually found guilty of second-degree murder. His wall of sound will have bars on the windows for 19 years
• A fire at a Great White show kills 100, including one of the guitarists
• 50 Cent talks about gettin’ rich or dyin’ tryin’

2004

• The wardrobe malfunction seen by millions
• Billy Corgan blogs his feelings about D’Arcy (“mean-spirited drug addict”) and James Iha (Pumpkins’ breakup was his fault)
• Kanye is a college dropout, according to his debut album’s title

2005

• Blink-182 goes on hiatus; Korn guitarist quits after finding God
• Bloc Party releases the excellent Silent Alarm

2006

• One for the history books: White Lion bassist James Lorenzo joins Megadeth
• Belle and Sebastian release another lame album (The Life Pursuit)

2007

• Chris Cornell tells Audioslave he needs to be emancipated because of musical differences
• Bloc Party spends A Weekend in the City; Explosions in the Sky release All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone

2008

• Beach House releases Devotion

2009

• Bone Thugs n Harmony crashes MySpace by posting a new song
• Pains of Being Pure at Heart release stellar debut; the brothers from the National curate Dark Was the Night; the Black Keys singer had enough time to put out a solo album

2010

• “We Are the World” is remade for Haiti benefit
• Joanna Newsom spends three discs enjoying the hell out of people (Have One on Me)

2011

• Yuck drops Yuck; lots of disappointments (Bright Eyes, Radiohead, PJ Harvey)

As you can see, February 2012 is clearly the best February ever. It’s science. AND SLEIGH BELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!