Lately, I’ve been thinking about how cool it would be to have your own theme song or soundtrack. I was sort of inspired by Peter Griffin from The Family Guy.

But what song would I use? You could go a lot of different routes. If it’s going to play in the background all day long, you better like it. Also, I don’t think it should be some epic arena rock song that has multiple style and tempo changes throughout. No, the simpler the better. Sometimes while playing my guitar  I come across a chord progression that I enjoy so much I want to play it for hours on end. That’s what I think my personal soundtrack should be. Simple. Repetitive. Kinda bad-ass.

Today I came across a perfect soundtrack song candidate, Angelo Badalamenti’s “The Pink Room”. A weird little instrumental that was used on the crazy-cool TV show Twin Peaks and also in the awful follow up movie, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me. It meets all of my soundtrack song requirements. Cool guitar riffs, it repeats over and over and I never get sick of it. The song title is cool too. “The Pink Room”. I’m guessing it’s a euphemism for “lady parts” like the Sheena Easton song “Sugar Walls”. I do love a good euphemism.

WARNING: Massive euphemism overload coming up.

I’d like to “paint” the “sugar walls” in your “pink room”.

Let’s get back on track here. Listen to the song below.

Having a song this cool playing in the background all day would have to change your life. This is what I imagine would happen if this song was my soundtrack:

My bald head would instantly grow a perfectly primped pompadour. My vehicle would turn into a classic 1950’s era motorcycle. Wherever I went women would be both frightened and titillated. Knowing they should keep their distance, they try to ignore me but the attraction is too overpowering. I’d shoot them a knowing glance. They would turn away blushing. Men would look suspiciously at me as I light up an unfiltered cigarette. That’s right. With this song as your soundtrack you can smoke anywhere you damn well please. Who’s gonna stop me? The local sheriff approaches.

Sheriff: “Where were you last night Johnny?”(My name would now be Johnny. Todd is not an appropriate name with this song as your soundtrack)

Me: “Nowhere. Everywhere. What’s it to ya Copper?”

Sheriff: “Laura Palmers’  body washed up at the lake this morning. The Log Lady said she saw you two together last night and The Backwards Talking Dwarf corroborated her story.”

Me: “Laura who? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey man, I’m married.”

Sheriff: “You’re going away for a long time Johnny. Cuff him boys”

Me: “Uhhhh…There’s been a big mistake. I don’t know any Log Ladies and that backward talking dwarf always freaked me out. My name is Todd. This was just supposed to be a fantasy about having a song as the soundtrack for your day. Does anyone know how to turn this song off?”

So apparently I’m not cool enough to pull this song off as my personal theme song. I’ll keep looking though. Until then I guess I’ll have to stick with whatever songs happen to be on the radio. It’s probably safer that way. I’m way too pretty to go to jail.