My job sometimes requires me to spend a lot of my day in the car. I don’t mind too much. It gives me time to think, reflect on my life and most importantly listen to great music. On these trips I sit back, relax and turn up the tunes. After many hours alone in the car though, I tend to have quite a few random and moronic thoughts. These are just a few of the revelations I came away with on the road.

Be leery of the “Lost ‘80s Hit”

I was listening to the ‘80s channel today and there was a segment called “Lost ‘80s Hits”. They usually play some song that was really good but has been collecting dust on the record shelf. I love when they do this. In the past, I have been reintroduced to great old tunes like, “Romancing the Stone” by Eddie Grant and “Mother’s Talk” by Tears for Fears. So I was all prepared for another great “Lost ‘80s Hit” when over the radio comes a song called “Superwoman” by Karyn White.

I was completely confused. I’d never heard it. Not only that but the song was awful. She starts the song off by singing about coffee and cream and what she made for breakfast like she’s narrating her day. How was this a “Lost Hit”? How was this even a hit? What constitutes a hit? Shouldn’t people have had to hear the song to label it a hit? When I got home, I asked my wife if she knew the song. Not only did she know it but she sang along when I played the YouTube clip. But one person having heard a song does not make a hit. Admittedly, I listened to a different kind of music back then but I still heard a ton of pop songs on the radio. How did this one slip by? I decided to do a little digging to prove or disprove the hit status of this horrible song. Here are the Billboard Chart rankings for “Superwoman” by Karyn White.

Billboard Adult Contemporary – It reached #12

Billboard Hot 100 – It reached #8

Billboard Hot Black Singles R/B Songs – It reached #1

So technically it was a hit. Apparently there were a lot of “Superwoman” lovers. What were you all thinking? No offense Miss White.

What’s with the 6AM phone conversations?

I leave for work fairly early in the morning. When I do, I just want to sip my coffee and listen to Howard Stern on the radio. Lately, I have noticed that a lot of the people driving around me at that early hour are on the phone. I may get a random call at 6AM from a co-worker but they are very brief and full of sleepy monosyllabic words. This is generally how those calls go:

Co-worker: Are you on your way?

Me: Yes.

Co-worker: What time are you going to be here?

Me: Eight.

Co-worker: Okay. Hurry up.

Me: Suck it…(click)

The people I see driving are not having these basic early morning conversations. No, they are having very animated and seemingly important conversations. Heads are bobbing. Fingers are waving. Hands are gesturing. Who are you all talking to? Besides annoying co-worker guy, everyone that I know is in bed and they wouldn’t be too happy to have me call them at 6AM to chat. “Hey Chris. You weren’t asleep were you? Did you see last night’s episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?” I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how that conversation would end.

It’s like these people have the “If I’m Up, You’re Up” mentality. It’s a very selfish attitude to take. Kind of like a toddler. “I’m up. I’m the most important person in the world. I want to talk to you. Wake up and listen to what I have to say. I don’t care if you’re sleeping. I I I Me Me Me .”

I don’t want to keep disparaging women drivers in these posts but I must admit that at least 90% of the morning talkers are women. Maybe these ladies were running late and hadn’t finished arguing with their significant others yet.

“I’m not done fighting with you yet so I’m going to call you when I get to high speeds on the freeway!”

I used to work with a woman who would walk into the office every morning at 7:30 with her cell to her ear already cussing out her husband who she couldn’t have left more than 10 minutes previously. What could he have possibly done in that span of time to piss her off? I always wondered why he even picked up the phone. Don’t answer that phone dude. Have some self respect!

This all has to stop. It’s not natural. We should all be miserable sleepy zombies, plying ourselves with caffeinated beverages in order to make it to our miserable destinations and barely tolerate another miserable work day.

Twisted Sister can read my mind

As always, after a few hours on the road today I flipped the station over to Hair Nation in need of a metal fix.It was as if Dee Snider read my mind because Twisted Sister’s “I Wanna Rock” was playing. Yes, Dee. I wanna rock too. I turned the stereo up as loud as it could go and fist pumped along with Dee and the boys. It may have looked something like this scene from one of my favorite movie comedies, the aptly named, Road Trip.

Here’s the awesome original music video. 

All in all it was a pretty good trip.  Plenty of tunes.  Plenty of morning talkers. If you see me cruising down the interstate sometime, go ahead and wave. I might just fist pump you back.