A mother’s libidinous fixation on her son turns deadly in this WTF? video from The Golden Filter. When the son comes home to visit his folks he brings an unexpected surprise. A fiance. The mother is none too pleased. Things get a little disturbing as she fantasizes about cutting the engagement ring of the girl’s finger. The tipping point for me is the scene in which the mother eavesdrops on the young lovers in the throws of passion and decides to have a little private time with her own privates. WTF?
It’s that time of year again. Time for MoSS? Madness baby! We’ve taken 64 of the greatest rock bands and musicians from the last 50 years, and using bracketology methods only understood by NASA mathematicians, we have the match-ups ready for the round of 64.
Each of our regions have some interesting first round match-ups. The East Region will have a meeting between two hard rock classics when #3 Led Zeppelin goes up against #14 Black Sabbath. The West Region will have a first round match-up of R&B heavyweights when #4 Stevie Wonder meets #13 Al Green. The bigger battles will be fought in the trenches by the middle seeds like in the Midwest Region match-up between #8 John Lennon and #9 Public Enemy. Will the former Beatles’ solo work be enough to beat rap immortals Chuck D and Flavor Flav? You, the readers, will decide. That’s right, over the next few weeks you will be choosing which artist moves on to ultimately become the MoSS? Madness 2012 Champion.
First things first. We have our play-in match-up between Right Said Fred and Dexy’s Midnight Runners. These one hit wonders have to earn the opportunity to go up against the East Region #1 seed The Beatles. Review the aforementioned one hit wonders and make your selection below. The winner will be announced before the Round of 64 starts on Thursday.
My job sometimes requires me to spend a lot of my day in the car. Today was one of those days with a few hours of windshield time. I don’t mind too much. It gives me time to think, reflect on my life and most importantly listen to great music. So, on days like today I sit back, relax and turn up the tunes. After four hours alone in the car though, I tend to have a few random and mostly moronic thoughts. These are just a few of the revelations I came away with on the road today.
Bon Iver is Pretty Awesome
I have never been a big fan of the 2011 darlings of indie rock. I always found the high register singing of the lead man Justin annoying and indecipherable. Why do you sing so high that no one understands you? The music was always pretty good but I couldn’t get over the vocals. Bon Iver’s song “Towers” played several times on my favorite SiriusXM channel today and I fought the urge to skip it.
I asked myself: “Hey Todd. Wasn’t your #4 Album of 2011 Future Islands, On the Water?”
My answer back: “Well, actually it was my #5 Album of 2011. Why do you ask?”
My response to me: “Doesn’t that have some pretty shitty and distracting vocals?”
My response back to me responding: “Touché. By the way, you smell terrific today my handsome friend”
So I realized that I need to get past the vocals and just enjoy the music. Who cares about lyrics anyways? Kurt Cobain is considered a genius and no one new what the fuck he was singing either. Here’s the video for Bon Iver’s “Towers”.
Catherine Wheel Should Have Been Way Bigger
I had a couple of Catherine Wheel CD’s in the early 90’s but didn’t give them much airplay. There were a few go-to tracks that I would play on occasion but that was really the extent of my listening. After flipping to the classic alt-rock channel I heard Catherine Wheel’s “Black Metallic”. Holy balls, that song is good. With oozing soft vocals and washed out guitars, it’s a 7 minute long shoegazer’s wet dream. I don’t know what I was thinking back then. I totally missed the boat on these guys. Check it out for yourselves.
Women Text While Driving
I’m not trying to be sexist here. I’m just going by scientific data gathered firsthand with my genetically superior man-brain. Several times today, I noticed that if you roll up to a car driving slowly in the fast lane, it is usually some ditzy dame texting. She’s probably texting her friends about getting her period, not getting her period, the perfect lipstick or that bitch Kathy from accounting that she knows ate her yogurt from the office refrigerator.
OMG! THE YOGURT HAD MY NAME ON IT! THAT BITCH IS TOTES CRAY! 😡
So quit the texting while driving all you batty broads out there! 10 and 2 baby doll. 10 and 2.
I Am Very Self-Conscious When I Rage Against the Machine
That’s right. I only rock out with no inhibition until another car drives up along side me. Then I react as if it’s a police car and I have a warrant out for my arrest. (Just act natural and no one will know you were Steve Perry’ing your way through the na na na’s at the end of “Lovin’,Touchin’,Squeezin’”).
This is actually contrary to most opinions of what you should do if you are cruising around town with a warrant and you see the police. Most people will tell you to turn up your radio and belt it out like you haven’t a care in the world. Then the police will think, “There’s no way that could be the serial killer we’re looking for. He’s much too carefree. Carry on sir. Godspeed.”
All in all it was a pretty good day. Plenty of tunes. Plenty of dangerous texting. If you see me cruising down the interstate sometime, go ahead and wave. I might just stop my Steve Perry impersonation and wave back.
The first time I had one of those “I’m an old man who just doesn’t understand kids these days” moments came courtesy of Ke$ha.
She was playing SNL; I was one of about eight people in the entire universe who hadn’t heard “Tik Tok” at this point. Needless to say, the astronaut-flanked, auto-tuned-to-the-max, stars-and-stripes-cape adorned sorta-hottie on the stage didn’t exactly wow me. I was confused, a little pissed, even, but not awestruck.
Even as nothing more than a mainstream pop tune, this was shit. Throw “Tik Tok” up against something like “Bad Romance” and you quickly surmise that the girl with the dollar sign in her name is nothing but a broke-ass poseur compared to the relative sophistication of Lady G.
So you can imagine my knee-jerk repulsion when I heard that Ke$ha was covering Bob Dylan.
And you can’t imagine how much I liked the rendition of “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right,” found below. (This is part of an Amnesty International anniversary tribute collection honoring Dylan.)
No auto-tune. No lame club beats. No grating synths. Just a young woman pouring emotion into a song by someone she respects. Some cool strings, too.
This melancholy version doesn’t match the whimsy of Dylan, but that’s just another reason why I like Ke$ha’s cover. It’s all so unexpected, from the tone she takes to the fact that underneath the auto-tune and stupid party-girl facade there’s an appealing, authentic voice and something resembling an artistic vision. Or at least an idea of how to sound somewhat authentic.
Is it simply good source material that makes it work? Is it nothing more than extremely lowered expectations that leave me impressed, that this really isn’t any better than something you’d hear at any weeknight karaoke session?
Is this one song the music equivalent of Marlon Wayans’ performance in Requiem for a Dream, an absolute one-off of brilliance amid a filmography of Scary Movies and White Chicks?
I’m not counting on Ke$ha completely turning over a new leaf, dropping the idiotic persona in favor of more fulfilling artistry–pulling a Clooney, so to speak. You know, doing some mainstream, money-making gigs in order to do whatever the fuck I want to do (and usually do it well) for the rest of my life.
If nothing else, we’ve got this song to consider. And perhaps she will change.
Let’s hope so…and the sooner, the better. Clock’s ticking…
That’s right, Paris Hilton must have been feeling as though people weren’t hating her enough lately because she recorded quite possibly the worst song ever made. The song “Drunk Text” was leaked on the internet a week ago and I had to share it here. You might be wondering “What does an uber-rich pseudo celebrity write a song about?”. The only things she knows of course. Going to “the club”, texting and being completely insufferable. She doesn’t actually sing the song . She sort of talk/moans in that annoying reality show bitch voice. “Drunk Text” starts out with a shitty dance beat and after the first lyric you quickly get to see the lack of depth of this vapid waste of skin.
I went out to the club the other night
To, you know, dance with my bitches
I feel sorry for her bitches. Here is my favorite lyric though.
You take the word sex, and mix it with texting
It’s called sexting
When you add drunk sexting
The words just don’t make sense
Thanks for the definition, genius. We never would have figured that one out on our own. There are quite a few more of these lyrical gems throughout the song. Check it out for yourself. You can listen to “Drunk Text” in it’s entirety below. Or see the equally awful video at perezhilton.com
Todd and I spent the first night of March knocking back “14s” (you know, 7&7s) and the finest beverages offered by Bell’s (the stout and Two-Hearted Ale, to be specific) in the heart of The Mill in downtown Iowa City. While one could go to The Mill simply for the drinks and/or the ambience, we were also there to hear Memoryhouse, a nifty shoegazey/dreampoppy outfit from Toronto.
What we didn’t expect was a killer set by the opener, Tiny Fireflies—described on one blog as a “Chicago pop supergroup.” I don’t know about the “supergroup” classification, but the group was solid, possibly even on par with the headliners.
Tiny Fireflies proved a much more enjoyable experience compared with the last opening act we caught in Iowa City. Of course, that was Kreayshawn, one half of the odd pairing with Neon Indian. We spent a good deal of the Kreayshawn show hanging out on the ped mall or drowning our sorrows at the bar inside the lame venue, the Union Bar. (Or having senior pictures thrust toward us—OK, toward Todd—by under-21 coeds in an attempt to get drinks purchased for them.) So no, the bar wasn’t set very high, but within a few notes of the soundcheck, we knew we were in for something good.
Ethereal, jangly, low-end-driven…well, I could continue to list adjectives, but listen for yourself. The song below is called “Picture Perfect”; it’s the forthcoming single.
You’ll notice at the 30-second mark that two dudes decide to get a closer look at the performance, standing directly in front of the stage, flanking Kristine the singer. As you can see in the video, it was equal parts amusing, annoying, and unsettling?
Anyway, Tiny Fireflies played a handful of tunes; many of them had qualities that brought to mind The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, which is an OK thing to these ears. And they were excited about staying in a hotel with a pool, which was just kinda cute.
Memoryhouse didn’t disappoint when they took the stage. One of the highlights was “The Kids Were Wrong,” the second song on the recently released debut album, The Slideshow Effect. The live drums were augmented by some pounding programmed beats, giving the song some serious backbone. (I moved to get a better angle; please excuse the first 20 seconds or whatever.)
Another highlight came toward the end of the set. The guitar line winds through the Mill, and I think to myself, “How blatant of a My Bloody Valentine ripoff can you get?” until I realized they were covering My Bloody Valentine. I flipped the phone camera on about halfway through the song. (And yes, that is me yelling “Loveless FTW!” at the end of the song.)
We all love the movie montage. It’s the perfect way to show a lot of action in a short period of time. This was a very popular movie making technique in the ’80s. There were many different versions, but this time around I’m going to focus on the “We Can Fix It Up” montage.
There are 4 basic parts
The kick ass ’80s song.
Let’s assess the damage or What did we get ourselves into?
We gotta get to work. This house/mill/boat ain’t gonna fix itself and we need a place to live/dance/win a regatta.
Bask in our own awesomeness. After a tough 2-3 minutes we have ourselves a brand new house/mill/boat!
Revenge of the Nerds
Those lovable nerds need a place to live after those asshole jocks boot them out of the dorms. Of course, all they can find is this former crack den of a fixer upper.
1. Kick Ass ’80s Song: Bone Symphony, “One Foot in Front of the Other”
2. The group gathers in front of their future home and and try to choose between getting to work or murdering their super nerd leader Lewis.
3. The nerd gang hitch up their slacks even further and get to work. Things get fixed despite the use of child labor, blind painters, and Booger getting everyone high.
4. Check it out. Meth Lab to Nerd Lair in less that 5 minutes! If only those dickhead jocks would leave them alone.
[After a long legal battle with FOX Entertainment, they pulled the clip. Jerks. – Todd]
Footloose
Footloose is chock full of montage goodness (See previous post on the Dance Training Montage). This time Kevin Bacon and his crew of backup dancers need to get the old mill ready for the big dance.
1. Kick Ass ’80s Song: Kenny Loggins, “I’m Free (Heaven Helps The Man)”
2. Sensing that they can conquer any obstacle put in front of them, the kids skip the assessment phase and practice some synchronized dirt biking.
3. The gang ditches the bikes and gets to work. Chris Penn huffs helium while everyone else sweep-dances the place clean.
4. Finally, Lori Singer finds the light switch. When she flips it on everyone erupts with glee as they realize the movie set crew already spent 2 weeks decorating for them.
One Crazy Summer / Summer Rental
Two very similar themed movies. In both movies, the lead character visits an east coast summer vacation town and quickly has a run in with the local rich dude asshole. Also in both movies, they decide to resolve their differences by facing off in a sailing regatta. Of course, the rich dude asshole has the best boat in town and has dominated the regatta for the last 200 years or so. And of course, the new guy in town has to scrape up a boat that was either once a floating restaurant or had been lying sideways on a beach.
1. Kick Ass ’80s Songs: “Unknown Instrumental Boat Building Boogie” / Jimmy Buffet, “Turning Around”
2. Both boats are either full of holes or covered in barnacles but we can’t stop now. There’s a guy I barely know mad at me. I’ll be leaving in a day and I will never see him again, but I have to prove to him and the town that I’m the better man.
3. Both crews get to work. Once again, things get fixed despite the use of child labor, inept workers, and another Booger sighting.
4. After a little scraping, a coat of paint, and some chewing gum, the boats are ready to go up against the rich dude asshole. Oh hey, don’t worry about the other 50 boats entered in the race. Just focus on the rich dude asshole. Now, let’s win that regatta!
The shortest month of the year is often one of the quietest in terms of musical awesomeness. There’s usually little love for the ear canals within two weeks on either side of Valentine’s Day.
2012, though…I don’t know if it’s the Mayans’ prognostication or just some happy accidents, but music blew up in February.
Van Halen returns with Diamond Dave. This is how things should be. (Not that the album is anything to write home about, but DLR belongs in Van Halen.)
Burial puts out a half-hour EP of beats that retain classic Burial traits AND manage to sound as fresh as ever.
Frankie Rose (seen at right in that sexy shot) puts out Interstellar, an album that would have dominated its release date if not for…
SLEIGH BELLS! REIGN OF TERROR! THE ALBUM CONTAINING “COMEBACK KID” AND “BORN TO LOSE” AND “CRUSH” AND “DEMONS” AND “D.O.A.” AND EVERY OTHER INCREDIBLE TUNE WITHIN THIS COLLECTION OF DOMINANCE (except “Road to Hell,” which is the closest thing to a clunker they’ve ever made).
Sleigh Bells also hit SNL on Feb. 18 and, most importantly to yours truly, announced on Feb. 28 that they’ll play a show in Iowa City this spring. #FUCKYEAH
The Sleigh Bells/Iowa City news hit the same day School of Seven Bells completed its trifecta of incredible albums by releasing Ghostory, while Memoryhouse put out a full-length album just two days before a scheduled show at The Mill (a.k.a. a night out for the Music or Space Shuttle? lads).
If this month is indeed a 10 (or, in Spinal Tap terms, 11), how do previous Februarys stack up in terms of music?
Naturally, I’ve made a chart.
How did this line take its shape? The primary data is listed below.
1982
Ozzy Osbourne is arrested after urinating on The Alamo, in San Antonio, Texas
1983
“Menudomania” comes to New York as 3,500 screaming girls crowd Kennedy Airport to catch a glimpse of Puerto Rican boy band Menudo, who are playing six sold-out shows at the Felt Forum
Michael Jackson’s Thriller album hits #1 on the US charts, the first of 37 (non-consecutive) weeks it would spend there on its way to becoming the greatest-selling album of all time
Sonic Youth releases Confusion Is Sex;U2 wages War (but Styx did release Kilroy Was Here and Kenny G deployed G Force)
1984
Elton John marries studio engineer Renate Blauel (lulz)
Recovering from the scalp burns sustained a month earlier, Michael Jackson wins eight Grammy Awards out of twelve nominations, breaking the record for the most Grammys won in a single year
The Smiths release The Smiths; I receive my first cassette (the Footloose soundtrack) for winning the St. Pat’s Grade School spelling bee
1985
Well, we got the following albums: The Smiths, Meat Is Murder; Tears for Fears, Songs from the Big Chair; Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston (I just poured some out)
1986
Absolutely nothing of worth happened, although March 1986 saw Master of Puppets, Black Celebration, 5150, Please, and the single “Live to Tell”
1987
The first five Beatles albums are released on CD
Again, no good new albums, although March shone once more with The Joshua Tree, Among the Living, and Sign o’ the Times
1988
Jacko buys Neverland
Leonard Cohen releases I’m Your Man
1989
Um…well…David Coverdale weds Tawny Kitaen
1990
Billy Idol badly hurt in motorcycle accident, sees role in The Doors minimized
James Brown released from jail after high-speed, two-state car chase
Dinosaur Jr. releases Green Mind
1992
Vince Neil becomes a race car driver
Kurt Cobain marries what’sherface
Tori Amos releases Little Earthquakes; Pantera unleashes Vulgar Display of Power; “Bohemian Rhapsody” gets new life via Wayne’s World soundtrack
1993
Oprah interviews Jacko, we learn about his whitening disorder
2Pac dares white people to buy his second album (Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z.)
Radiohead puts out the album they’d probably rather forget
311 releases Music
Duran Duran comes back with the VH1 crowd via “The Wedding Album”
Joey Lawrence puts out an album (whoa!)
1994
Shannon Hoon gets thrown out of the American Music Awards
Green Day drops Dookie; Pavement puts out Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
1995
Tommy Lee marries Pamela Anderson
Jewel launches her pre-poetry career by releasing an album
1996 (possibly the most eclectic data in this collection)
Former Milli Vanilli band member Rob Pilatus is hospitalized when a man hits him over the head with a baseball bat in Hollywood, while Pilatus is attempting to steal the man’s car
Take That split up!
Prince marries Mayte Garcia
Snoop beats a murder rap
2Pac’s All Eyez On Me receives a middling review from some nerd in the Iowa State Daily
1997
Phish Food is born; Jacko’s first son is born; the Spice Girls’ chart-topping career is born
Blur releases the album with the “Whoo-hoo!” song
Anal Cunt releases I Like It When You Die (sounds charming)
1998
Elton John knighted
Neutral Milk Hotel puts out that seriously overrated In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (it’s good, but c’mon…)
1999
Gov. Jesse Ventura declares “Rolling Stones Day” in Minnesota
Eminem drops Slim Shady LP; Roots go with Things Fall Apart
2000
Santana wins 8 Grammys
The Cure releases their last good album to date (Bloodflowers)
Smashing Pumpkins release that MACHINA piece of crap
2001
Manic Street Preachers play Cuba
Jack Johnson releases Brushfire Fairytales
Los Embarasados allegedly release Tem Graca por Nome on Feb. 30 (according to Wikipedia)
2002
U2 performs at the Super Bowl
Britney Spears puts out the Crossroads soundtrack; Norah Jones releases the inexplicably popular Come Away with Me
2003
Lana Clarkson found dead at Phil Spector’s pad; he’s eventually found guilty of second-degree murder. His wall of sound will have bars on the windows for 19 years
A fire at a Great White show kills 100, including one of the guitarists
50 Cent talks about gettin’ rich or dyin’ tryin’
2004
The wardrobe malfunction seen by millions
Billy Corgan blogs his feelings about D’Arcy (“mean-spirited drug addict”) and James Iha (Pumpkins’ breakup was his fault)
Kanye is a college dropout, according to his debut album’s title
2005
Blink-182 goes on hiatus; Korn guitarist quits after finding God
Bloc Party releases the excellent Silent Alarm
2006
One for the history books: White Lion bassist James Lorenzo joins Megadeth
Belle and Sebastian release another lame album (The Life Pursuit)
2007
Chris Cornell tells Audioslave he needs to be emancipated because of musical differences
Bloc Party spends A Weekend in the City; Explosions in the Sky release All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone
2008
Beach House releases Devotion
2009
Bone Thugs n Harmony crashes MySpace by posting a new song
Pains of Being Pure at Heart release stellar debut; the brothers from the National curate Dark Was the Night; the Black Keys singer had enough time to put out a solo album
2010
“We Are the World” is remade for Haiti benefit
Joanna Newsom spends three discs enjoying the hell out of people (Have One on Me)
As of this moment, I’ve seen zero 2011 Best Picture nominees. All year long, I said to myself and anyone who would listen, “Seems like no good movies are coming out this year.” I changed my tune after seeing the trailer for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and it lived up to expectations, but then I found myself saying, “Seems like no good movies are coming out this year that weren’t already done spectacularly in Swedish.”
After watching the Academy Awards last night (with a break to watch The Walking Dead), I see I didn’t miss anything.
The Artist? The Artist?!??!?!!?
THE ARTIST??????
No.
I should have known something was amiss when the Academy proved it couldn’t count, nominating only nine films for Best Picture rather than 10. Even more confusing: Dragon Tattoo was absent from the list. Straight-up confounding: The Tree of Life WAS on it.
And then…this. Not only do I doubt that The Artist is better than half the 2011 nominees (I’d bet on Descendants, Moneyball, Hugo, The Help, and Midnight in Paris), but I’d be willing to bet that The Artist falls short of some non-nominees, and not just TGWTDT: 50/50, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Muppets, Drive, The Ides of March, Warrior, Contagion, The Debt, Crazy Stupid Love, Super 8, Beginners, Bridesmaids (which I did see and didn’t like all that much, but still…), Rio, Meek’s Cutoff, Super, Source Code, I Saw the Devil, The Adjustment Bureau…
Remember 2010? You can’t tell me with a straight face that The Artist would have even cracked the nominee list last year. Seriously, what would it have bumped? The only argument I’ll even listen to is The King’s Speech…which, of course, won the big award last year.
This leads to the question…
Which is the bigger travesty: that The Artist wins Best Picture in a weak year, or that The King’s Speech took the crown in a year full of royalty?
To me, it’s the latter. 2010 was the latest “I’ll never watch again moment.” Earlier moments included:
1994: Pulp Fiction and Shawshank Redemption lose to Gump (which isn’t a bad film, but I really, REALLY like PF).
1998: Shakespeare in Love prevails over Saving Private Ryan.
(And if I had really paid attention back then, 1990, when Jimmy “Two Times” lost to Smiles A Lot.)
2010 saw Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, Toy Story 3, The Social Network, True Grit, Winter’s Bone, and two other films I’ve been meaning to see but haven’t (127 Hours, The Kids Are All Right) lose to something that bore more resemblance to “bad after-school special” than “transcending cinematic achievement.” (And bore it did; I was nearly sawing logs at the halfway point.) I felt The Fighter told a much better story of overcoming obstacles/long odds. I thought Black Swan and Inception were far more fascinating exercises in storytelling. I felt more connection to a cotton-stuffed cowboy as he made his way toward an incinerator than I did to some blubbering Brit.
So as annoying as I found last night’s ceremony, I’ve dealt with greater feelings of disappointment. And as I stated up front, I haven’t seen any of the Best Pic noms from 2011. Until I’ve seen the films, maybe I should just sit here in silence…
A mother’s libidinous fixation on her son turns deadly in this WTF? video from The Golden Filter. When the son comes home to visit his folks he brings an unexpected surprise. A fiance. The mother is none too pleased. Things get a little disturbing as she fantasizes about cutting the engagement ring of the girl’s finger. The tipping point for me is the scene in which the mother eavesdrops on the young lovers in the throws of passion and decides to have a little private time with her own privates. WTF?
Music or Space Shuttle? 